Yo Quiero Taco Bell (1/1) by banlu Title: Yo Quiero Taco Bell Author: banlu Email: banlutoo@yahoo.com Archive: *DO NOT ARCHIVE* to ephemeral, Gossamer; Already there. Anyone else, please ask. I like to know it's gone to a nice home. Rating: PG-13 Category: S/H Spoilers: None Keywords: Mulder/Scully Summary: Mulder gets more than he ordered. Disclaimer: They aren't mine, they aren't mine, they aren't mine. Thanks: To mimic117 for all her beta advice. Date written: May - July 2002 Author's notes: At end. Yo Quiero Taco Bell by banlu Mulder winced when he saw Scully purse her lips in that I'm-slightly-disgusted way she had. He knew Taco Bell was way down on her list of acceptable places to eat, but it was the only choice for miles around. He'd already ordered four tacos and a Pepsi and was now waiting patiently for his partner to decide. She finally settled on a diet Pepsi and a chili cheese burrito. "Living dangerously, Scully?" he asked, knowing he was doing so just by asking the question. She shot him her 'watch-it' look and replied, "I figured I'd clog all my arteries at once." To stay in what was left of Scully's good graces, Mulder quickly paid, took their cups and filled them at the drink machine. He then grabbed napkins and packets of hot sauce, dodged the high-schooler sweeping the floor, and followed Scully to a table she'd picked out in the corner. As Mulder unwrapped a taco and split open a packet of sauce, he watched Scully delicately unwrap her burrito and take it in her hand. His eyes followed it up to her mouth as she took a bite and a sip of her drink. He suddenly remembered that the chili cheese burrito had once been called a chilito, until someone pointed out that somewhere in the Spanish-speaking world that word was slang for a certain part of the male anatomy. Mulder began to sweat and he hadn't even touched the hot sauce. Scully took another bite, this time sucking out some of the filling. Mulder felt his chilito twitch. He dropped his eyes and concentrated on squirting the sauce onto his taco. As he spread the shell apart, he noticed how the curves of its sides resembled the curves... the curves of the sides... the sides of a... of a woman's... a woman's... chilita! The sweat began to trickle down his face. "Mulder, are you all right? You look flushed." His face colored even redder with embarrassment, Mulder kept his eyes on the taco. "Yeah, I... I guess it's the hot sauce." Figuring out of sight, out of mind, Mulder picked up his taco and took a big bite. He had to look up to do so and happened to glimpse Scully running her tongue around the burrito, licking up some loose sauce. The trickle of sweat grew into a rivulet. Mulder knew his own burrito would soon become el grande if he couldn't get his mind off this train of thought. He decided to look out the window as he took his next bite. He realized Scully was speaking. "Huh?" he grunted. "I said," she repeated patiently, "I've never seen anyone do that with a taco before." Mulder replayed his actions and turned the color of a dried chili pepper. He had run his tongue up the middle of the taco shell, lapping up the sauce as it ran out of the bottom. "What's up with you?" she asked, somehow combining curiosity with her slightly-disgusted look. My chilito, he thought, but he knew he could never say that aloud. "I'm... I've... I... guess I'm not really that hungry..." For tacos, he finished to himself. Scully picked up her chili cheese burrito and took another bite. Mulder just stared as his rivulets of sweat turned into streams. "What are you looking at Mulder?" This time not a speck of curiosity showed on her face. "I'm... I'm sorry. I... I... need some fresh air," Mulder gulped out as he pushed away from the table and started to stand. He stopped when he realized he really had super- sized into an el grande. His eyes darted about, avoiding Scully's. His untouched Pepsi came into view, the paper cup sweating almost as much as he. He grabbed it and spilled it in his lap. The ice-cold beverage had some of its intended effect, but the now-wet trousers clung to him as he stood up. "Mulder, what..? Scully's eyes widened at the sight. "Oh," she said, her mouth forming an 'O' to match the sound. To his dismay, that certain part of Mulder's male anatomy re-grande-sized itself. The stream of sweat now felt like a river as it coursed down his back, his chest, his temples. His face felt as hot as a habanero. He spun away from Scully only to find all eyes in the restaurant upon him. Then, as if on cue, everyone pointed at Mulder's crotch and laughed. Mulder's manhood shriveled until he was sure it was the size of a chili pepper. His ego shrank down to a perfect match. "Mulder?" Scully asked from behind him. He couldn't face her. Mulder bolted for the door, shouldering aside the kid with the broom, only to trip over the handle. He fell to his hands and knees, the laughter roaring even louder in his ears. "Mulder, wait!" He heard Scully shout as he scrambled to his feet and pushed out the door. He paused at the bottom of the steps. Where to go? There were people in the parking lot, cars at the drive-thru. He slapped his pocket. Damn! Scully had the car keys. A mother and her young daughter popped out from between the cars parked directly in front of him. The woman eyed the wet spot on the front of his pants and gave him a disgusted look as she turned the child's face away. Mulder side- stepped them and hurried across the parking lot to the neighboring gas station. He spotted a large trash bin in the back corner and slipped behind it. He was a mess. His shirt soaked with sweat, his trousers with Pepsi, his face, he realized, with tears. Scully was never going to forgive him for the scene he had created just now. He'd confirmed to her that he was a porno- watching, chilito-wacking pervert! Mulder leaned against the bin and groaned at the thought of seeing Scully. What could he say? - I'm sorry Scully but I wish that chilito you were sucking on was mine? That I wish I wasn't licking my taco but your... your... chilita? - Yeah, right, like she'd ever want that to happen. He groaned again. This was way worse than when he was a teen-ager. At least then he could have blamed it on raging hormones, but now... now, damn it, he was a full-grown man! He slid down to the ground and banged his head against the metal of the trash bin with a satisfying clang. Oh God, he hoped the manager hadn't called the cops on him! He might deserve the embarrassment, but Scully didn't. Damn, and he'd left her to clean up his mess. As usual. He clanged his head again in despair. "Mulder?" She'd found him. "Mulder, is that you?" Her heels clicked on the pavement as she approached the trash bin. Go away Scully please please go away please please.... The clicking stopped. "Mulder, what's the matter?" She wasn't mad! How could she not be mad? "Go away Scully." he choked out. She took a step closer. "Mulder, what happened back there?" "Are they calling the police?" "No. I tipped someone to clean up the mess." "And they all got a real good laugh out of it, too." Mulder tried to become one with the trash bin. "I'm sorry about that Mulder." "Why should you be sorry? I'm the one's that sorry. I left you to deal with it. I shouldn't have left you... I should have... I should have... " He clanged his head again. "Mulder, those people will never see you again..." "But you have to, Scully. I don't care what they think of me, but I know I embarrassed you back there." "I'm not ashamed of you Mulder." "But you saw what happened. I'm so sorry. But it was... it was... the way you were eating your... your chilito... " "Chilito?" "That's what Taco Bell used to call your burrito." "But chilito can mean... oh!" Mulder glanced up in time to see Scully's mouth make that 'O' again. He groaned, "Scully, I don't mean to think of you that way, but sometimes I... I..." He dropped his head. Would his humiliation ever end? "Mulder, look at me." He slowly lifted his eyes to Scully's. He could see tears filling the corners of hers. "You know Mulder, sometimes I think of you that way too." She smiled a sweet smile. "But I'll admit never while eating a burrito." From somewhere within him came a laugh. "Have you ever noticed what a taco looks like?" Puzzlement crossed her face, to be replaced by an 'O' of realization. Mulder's poor little drowned chili pepper twitched at the sight. "Scully, you have got to stop making that face." The 'O' curved into a grin. Mulder found himself grinning back. She leaned down and kissed him. This time the heat washing over his body felt good, like a hot shower on a cold day. Mulder's chili pepper grew into a chilito and was well on its way back to el grande size when he broke the kiss. "Let's find a better place to finish this," he said. "Let's." Scully straightened up and held out her hand. Mulder took it and stood. She eyed the clingy fabric of Mulder's still-damp trousers. "You don't want to walk back to the car like that. I'll go get it and bring it back here." "OK. And... and Scully? Thanks." A shy smile appeared on his face. "My pleasure." Scully threw a promising smile over her shoulder as she walked away. Mulder noticed an extra sway in her hips. "Hey Scully," he called. She stopped and turned. "Yes?" "Yo quiero Taco Bell." end Author's notes: It is true that the chili cheese burrito used to be called a chilito. I've eaten many of them under both names. I'd heard the reason used in the story given for the name change, but can't vouch for its veracity. On the other hand, 'chilita' as far as I know, is not a real word. In Spanish, words associated with males usually end in 'o', females with 'a', so I just turned 'chilito' into 'chilita' to come up with Mulder's euphemism. Feedback: banlutoo@yahoo.com The conceited part of me wants it, the humble part doesn't, and the insecure part fears it. What kind of answer you'll get depends on which part of me reads it. So send at your own risk.